Sketching Halloween’s Coming

Fishing the wide water
Fishing the wide water

Dark, quiet mornings linger almost to lunchtime before bright skies appear from nowhere. Here in the valley, this is late October in any year. A couple of rainstorms have put things in their place – the valley on its way into winter’s rest. A handpainted sign in front of the garden advertises free pumpkins and the tomato vines hang with rotting fruit still clinging fast. Out on the gravel bar, the water has dropped down nearly to summer levels showing a fresh stain of silt running along the edge from a good rain two weeks prior. In the foggy morning the river carries on with a soft murmering. Pumpkin-colored maple leaves hang over the water, waiting to test a soft breeze that might stir in the afternoon.

The mornings are always hard going now – soft grabs in the shadowed water make me wish I’d stop tying these flies with such damned long hackles. They just nip at the wispy trailing fibers – frustrating teases that come far too seldomly. The pass through campbell run is rhythmic and routine, maybe a bit impatient, since the best water always seems two steps below. I move down to fish the opposite side of the tee-pee and nab a feisty half-pounder right off, then get the one long, slow pull down deep – then nothing.

2:00pm. Move to new water.  Lowermost North-South. This run above the big bend at the bottom of the valley usually always holds a fish or two. The bright sun now shows the clear water sliding over the riffle at the bottom of middle North-South. I pause a minute to watch for moving fish. Nothing. Crossing is the usual half float, tip-toe dance down and across. I arrive at the lower run with fish showing up and down. Salmon porpoising – some bright, some dark. Steelhead splashing in the fast water. Sweet. By early afternoon the river is chattering away.

This is a long run and can consume the better part of an afternoon if fished thoroughly.  But the sweet spot is about the size of a car. Sure enough they soft-grab the swung fly and cannot hold on. Again and again, before it shuts off.  I leave the run to fish one more bit in this section that nearly always proves reliable and come up with a hatchery fish of maybe two pounds that tears into the backing before giving up and coming to hand. I move up to finish at upper North-South as the evening shadows creep across the water. Everything has gone quiet now. Evening here in late October is a subtle transition. Wood smoke filters down across the field in the still, heavy air. The pasture across the way bathes in honey colored light. And along the way, the river has returned to its shadowy mutterings.

Sparkling October

Up the road, above town, the river takes a hard turn leaving the road in a long, tight meander.  A pullout reveals a little hidden trail that follows the ridge out then dives down onto the gravel bar at the far end of the river’s big turn.  Far away from the occasional passing car, a cool morning offers up the last little bits of summer, sparkling in the trees. The place I go not because I want to boast of the fish I catch, but the place where a quiet day can be had.

Chest deep slow water, long casts and a few surprise fish.
Chest deep slow water, long casts and a few surprise fish.
A giant riffle slows down and deepens against a backdrop of early fall foliage.
A giant riffle slows down and deepens against a backdrop of early fall foliage.
...and even a fish or two can't resist the movement of subtly colored pulsing feathers.
...and even a fish or two can't resist the movement of subtly colored pulsing feathers.

Summer’s bounty

A flat ocean and the boat runs wide open to points south, skipping through little pockets of breeze where river valleys empty mountain air out to sea.  We arrive where the flat ocean bottom drops off into a giant submarine canyon that runs nearly ashore.  Its abyssal depths are hidden under the gently undulating surface of a windless ocean.  The lines drag big bait near the bottom.  The clicker ticks off as a fish picks up the bait and swims away with it – there are big fish way down there.

cape halibut

cape halibut2

The Soft Beat of a Desert at Night

Long after sunset crosses the warm desert ground, the wind still rumbles through the sagebrush scraping up the songs written all through the heat of the day.  After dark, the wind sings life into everything, as if rustling sticks and blowing dust were the soup of a cold winter day.  Cricket songs punctuate the spaces between the waning breeze. Then, late in the evening, it all drops off.  The wind falls to a whisper, the crickets part ways one by one, opening the door to the vast emptiness.  Miles of quiet calm sneak across the mountains, float down to the desert floor, and stretch the edges of this place.  I can’t hear the last breaths of air above my own thoughts anymore. Walking is now a noisy affair – each little grain of sand under foot crying out in the warm night air. Something has paused.  I can’t stand to sit still now, some lonely discomfort from inside that shuns this dark, still openness. This is now a place of excruciating silence and aloneness. How can it be possible for such a big, open place to come to such a sudden, silent stop? Now, the dividing line between places within me and around me slowly dissolve.

I can’t stand to move, fearing that I might step on that one dry stick, sending a crack through the night, hurling me off some edge that gets conjured up somewhere out there.  And on the edge of movement, a soft, cool breeze rustles across the tops of the brush, setting a distant cricket off in solo song to the soft beat of emptiness.

One last time?

From across the room, the sound comes though the door, along the face of the window and down from the ceiling.  Rain sings along the street out front.  The calla lilies out front fill with the water beading up along their silky white bloom.  Across the hills, tendrils of fog waft upward from the forest in a great cycle of the water returning skyward.  Today, this place is painted all green and grey – spring on hold while winter reaches out once more to soothe us maybe one last time before it all goes away into summer.

The forgotten American dream: patience

Mid-way through the afternoon the wind doesn’t show and the sun hangs across the streets in a timeless bit of perpetual Sunday laziness. I wonder down to the little taco stand where I know there’ll be few people and no waiting or impatient customers hurried on by something. These are the afternoons where the morning gets forgotten along the way. How things ended up here is unknown. For a couple of hours, there is nothing going on. Everything just slows to a crawl along the street. The cars are missing for a while, the kids have all gone inside for a break. Everything just seems to pause for a while. In this little slice of time the sun lights up the flat water on the bay, spraying slow sparkles of light through the afternoon. If I could stay right here, sipping my drink, patiently waiting for my tacos – the kind of patient wait that bathes me in calming comfort – I might never need anything else.

Visiting my therapist and losing the last bit of composure

I went to see my therapist today. I’m always anxious to go and always arrive on time. My therapist doesn’t speak to me. But if I listen, I hear all about the subject matter. I just have to show up on time. I usually have trouble hearing for the first part of the session, but once we are underway, I figure out the lesson of the day.

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Another curious thing about my therapist who doesn’t speak to me, is that the location of our session  is always changing. There is no office to go to. I usually have a vague idea where it’s at, but never quite know for sure. Oddly enough, I always seem to show up at the right place, even though the lesson of the day may not be what I was expecting. Today I was expecting to hear about enjoying life without expectations. That’s what I thought I heard early on at least. Then, I got the painful truth. Today’s work would focus on frustration and learning to not beat myself up too badly.

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Today was about holding a sure thing in the palm of my hand only to see it slip away. But the irony of the session was that I never got to hold the thing in my hand – I was only led to believe that it would end up there. So I guess the original lesson of expectations still had some merit.

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Long story, short – I went to the river today expecting little. Had my hopes elevated with the sight of splashing steelhead. I even managed to briefly hook one before it broke me clean off. These were big bright fish. Now, shaking, a bit frustrated, but determined, I swim my marabou prawn through the water again and just where it should be – BAM – the solid grab and another broken line. If I write anymore about my feelings over this whole affair, it would not be appropriate for viewing by younger folks and others offended by certain four letter words.

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I have another appointment with my therapist late tomorrow afternoon. I already know the subject matter of the session.

Sandstone bluffs of the Wildcat Group provided the sounding board (read: echo) for the cursing and swearing that could be head along the river this afternoon.  Note the small hole near the center of the bluff - a drain hole for the railroad tunnel that passes through.
Sandstone bluffs of the Wildcat Group provided the sounding board (read: echo) for the cursing and swearing that could be head along the river this afternoon. Note the small hole near the center of the bluff - a drain hole for the railroad tunnel that passes through.

Springtime on the River

A few photos from the past few days.  With a setting like this, fickle fishing is not really a concern.

This used to be a more active floodplain.  Now it has given way to a lush, grassy, semi-wooded setting.
This used to be a more active floodplain. Now it has given way to a lush, grassy, semi-wooded setting.
It appears that much of the riparian forest here is undergoing a radical change in vegetation communities.  The lack of regular, high flows is probably precluding the estblishment of seedlings.  The result - the remaining trees are growing older with little replacement.
It appears that much of the riparian forest here is undergoing a radical change in vegetation communities. The lack of regular, high flows is probably precluding the estblishment of seedlings. The result - the remaining trees are growing older with little replacement.
The first day of April and the beginning of a quarter mile long riffle through verdant oak woodlands.  Who cares if the fishing is so-so this afternoon!
The first day of April and the beginning of a quarter mile long riffle through verdant oak woodlands. Who cares if the fishing is so-so this afternoon!
This was about as close to the water as I got here.  Didn't feel the urge to wet a line - too many other things to be consumed in.
This was about as close to the water as I got here. Didn't feel the urge to wet a line - too many other things to be consumed in.